Flying back into Australia, and Russia later on, will be different from my previous one. It is not merely in terms of doing overseas study or something but the unpleasant fact of life as well; there’s nothing I can do to change it and hence I must accept it. I’m lonely and hurting, but I cannot gather my strength for getting so het up as it is not my basic nature. I just don’t like being in a fact that she lied when she said she loved me and led her life with me. These are the new reasons to stay abroad for several years, or, perhaps, for good.
The journey is named ‘a painful journey’. It will suddenly hit me that my life will be changed, and probably, be a chance to bask in a moment of realizing the things, as far as I could, despite knowing that the effects can last a lifetime. The image has grabbed me until today. Almost one year ago I mentioned that I was kicked like a football here and there. I still see that football, and I’m still asking the question that as a hurting man I couldn’t put into words.
For a man of my age, I should’ve enjoyed what I’ve got. But life is not so easy for me that I need to be exhausted all the time to forget all. I’ve got only two things now; God and Prayer. In the end, I have to readjust my expectation that some day we’ll meet again in an extremely pleasant way, which may bring the curtain up again.
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